How to yield rather than collapse
I'm back!
Hello! I am back after a much needed break to complete the manuscript for my upcoming book on a trauma-informed approach towards longevity. More on that in a second.
Today I want to explore a topic I have been thinking about for a while which is the difference between Yielding to something, and collapsing underneath it. Big difference, and radically different results.
As I continue to monitor the Middle East, watch wars being dramatized theatrically, and see the current administration continue to play with people’s lives like marionettes, I keep coming back to the question of: What is the appropriate response to this?
Is there some point of balance between fighting and not caring? Between demonstrating and not reading the news? Between being militant my views, and avoiding talking about politics completely? Between being enraged by the events and completely apathetic and frozen?
There has to be something…I thought.
As I prepared for a session with a client I found it — Yielding versus Collapsing.
But first…A few updates.
Dear reader,
I have been thinking of you. How have you been? I missed you. Please reply to this email telling me about what has been alive for you and what is a challenge you are currently struggling with?
I’ll start…I have been giving all my writing energy to complete my book which is now titled The Human Way: A trauma-informed guide for longevity in a world obsessed by optimization.
I could not find the way to continue writing here as well my head was in completing it.
Yes! It is complete! I have submitted it to several agents and applied for some competitions, but for all of you wonderful paid members and supporters — I will be releasing the whole book in the form a weekly chapter + weekly exercises on that intersection between trauma, habits and data-driven health .
Speaking of which — we have produced Season 3 (fucking finally…I know…phew), and I can’t wait to launch it both here and on spotify, apple podcasts and youtube starting July. Stay tuned for that as well.
In the meantime, if you are in SF, I have been facilitating many different types of small intimate gatherings while we break from the podcast — come join us for meditations every first Monday in SF, half day retreats at the Yurt in the East Bay, and political discussions. Join the whatsapp group if you haven’t.
Lastly, I have been working hard on The Human Dash, assembling a team of coaches to offer next level health support to those going through hard times while supporting the many. Set up sometime with me or send this link to someone who might need it.
Yielding not Collapsing
The more I coach people helping them rewrite the stories of their traumas by reclaiming their health, and the more I write about it the more I realize how words create worlds.
The words that we use day to day inform our past, present and future. The more you see it, the more you will start understanding it. Politicians are afraid of words because they know how powerful they can be.
Now let’s examine the following two words: Yielding vs Collapsing
Yielding
Notice how the following definitions of Yield — whether it is about a land or profit yield, or the idea of giving in to something, or giving way for someone in traffic, is always an active verb. To yeild is to make a decision to give way to something, it is an effortless way of being active.
produce or provide (a natural, agricultural, or industrial product).
give way to arguments, demands, or pressure.
cease to argue about.
give way under force or pressure.
Interestingly, we have been using this word less and less and it is trending downwards.
Collapsing:
Collapse on the other hand is passive in all its forms. It is a flaccid state of being, one where one is unconscious or out of their power, rather than an active form of allowing — as in yielding. The former is choosing to give way, the latter is about losing your power of choice.
fall down or in - (of a person) fall down and become unconscious, typically through illness or injury.
fail suddenly and completely.
fold or be folded to fit into a small space.
Apparently, that is a word that we have been quite fond of recently, and more so than ever before.
Why Yield rather than Resist?
You’ve heard of the term what you resist persists, right? Well I am coining the phrase: You are only healed when you yield. Yielding is a generative action.
Let’s say you are reading the news and something is throwing off all your triggers.
You can resist it by saying: I hate politician x or y, or by rallying or calling your friend and telling them “Hey can you believe that country X or person Y did this thing or that thing?”
What happens there is that it starts taking up more space in your brain. If it is a coworker that did something that bugged you earlier, you can still be thinking about it at home, with your partner, or in your bed.
Perhaps you are getting yourself worked up by it even when it no longer exists.
That means you are putting your energy into it and at some point, and at some point…you will not have any of it left!
That leads to collapse.
How to not Collapse
Try this out. Lay down on the floor, with your hands toward the ceiling and let your body take the shape of the ground beneath you.
Let your navel naturally touch the ground. Notice how the lower back doesn’t touch the ground.
That position is yielding. Notice the tone of your muscles. Notice how the Earth is supporting you, effortlessly.
Think about how long you could possible stay in this position. Probably for a very long time, right?
Now push your belly downwards so that your lower back is also flush with the ground.
That is pushing. Notice the difference between pushing and yielding, both active, but one is natural and the other is pushing against the natural position.
How long can you stay in this pushing position? How does it feel to have these extra muscles contracted?
Now let go of all the tone in your muscles completely, and let your legs, body and arms completely fall to the Earth and become flaccid. Perhaps falling to a fetal position, or feeling your neck and head fall to one side.
That is collapsing.
So as you experience something that pushes you boundaries/ comfort levels next time, try to play with those three positions.
What does it look like to yield to a piece of news or a coworkers behavior?
What does it look like to push against it? Is the energy of pushing needed?
What it look like to collapse underneath it? What else is lost in your life when you collapse?
Why our society needs to Yield more
When traffic is crossing your path, we tend to yield to people regardless of their color, race, or views. So why do we not do so for those who come at us with different political views?
As we polarize more and more, and conflate reality with our echo chambers, it is critical to realize the difference between those three positions. It seems to me that we are doing a lot of pushing, and therefore more of us are collapsing.
But what would it look like to yield to each other in those times?
How would it feel to stand your ground without crashing into your toxic boss, your angry partner, or your deluded political friend?
Next week I will start promoting The Human Way and sharing samples!
Much love.
Yield more, collapse less.
Omar
Welcome back! 🥷♥️
Indeed! Well said as usual, Omar ✨⚡️