Misery = Desires - Reality

100 hours of meditation later...

At some moment during the 100 hours of meditation I realized that

a) I am an asshole, and

b) I can be less of one if I can make myself less miserable and

c) I am the only reason behind my misery.

I come back, sadly not as an enlightened being, but as one who is slightly less terrified of himself and the world.